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Asked by emiliagibson to Claire, Kate, Matt, Rob, Sam on 20 Jun 2013.
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Sam Geen answered on 20 Jun 2013:
Well, I wrote “smoothed-particle hydrodynamics” on my profile, but that sort of only works if you do astrophysical hydrodynamics. (The joke is that there are two ways to do simulations of things in space, and I use “adaptive mesh refinement”, which is the other way, and we like to prove that the other way doesn’t work to show that we’re doing the right thing compared to other people. So what I’m saying is that the other way of doing things is a joke. I sort of killed it by explaining it, huh? It’s OK, it wasn’t that funny to begin with.)
But otherwise, I dunno? I had a joke about gravity, which had potential, but eventually it fell flat. I had a chemistry joke, but people reacted badly to that one. I did a comedy show about biology, but it didn’t cell any tickets. Likewise, for my astronomy comedy I didn’t planet in advance. And my joke about black holes, well it sucked.
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Matthew Pankhurst answered on 21 Jun 2013:
Two atoms meet at a park bench. The first is waiting for the second nervously, and is clearly upset. The second arrive and says “I came here as fast as I could, why are you so upset?” The first whispers “I think I’ve lost one of my electrons!” The second says “Oh my goodness! Are you sure?” The first cries “Yes – I’m positive!”
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Claire Lee answered on 21 Jun 2013:
Oh boy… I know some but they are all ridiculously geeky!
What do you get if you cross an elephant and a mouse?
-> elephant mouse sin(theta)What do you get if you cross an elephant and a mountain goat?
-> You can’t. A mountain goat is a scalar. -
Kate Husband answered on 21 Jun 2013:
What did the receiver say to the radio wave? Ouch! That megahertz.
Two tectonic plates bump into each other.
One says, “Oh my fault.”They’re pretty bad, sorry!
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Robert Woolfson answered on 21 Jun 2013:
A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.
The Physicist: “The measurement wasn’t accurate.”.
The Biologist: “They have reproduced”.
The Mathematician: “If now exactly one person enters the house then it will be empty again.”Dada
Comments
Claire commented on :
On the other hand… I did just come up with this on facebook:
I like Higgs bosons and I cannot lie,
You other brothers can’t deny,
That when the universe cools and the symmetry breaks,
Goldstone bosons in your face,
You get mass!
Matt commented on :
that. is. amazing.
Claire commented on :
haha thanks 🙂 It goes on…
Interactions with the field,
SU(2) × U(1) gets revealed,
Deep in Lagrangians I’m staring,
Though the absence of gravity’s glaring.
No, you’re not quite the perfect model,
You ain’t got it all 🙁
And string theorists always lose me,
So i’ve got my bet
on that hottie SUSY!
Sam commented on :
So a bar walks into Einstein.
lisaloo commented on :
Huh? I don’t get it?
Sam commented on :
Einstein came up with relativity, and one of the things about relativity is that it says that all “frames of reference” are the same. A frame of reference is what the universe looks like from where you are – so you can have a frame of reference of a rocket flying to another star, or of you sitting on Earth, or of you spinning round in your chair while sitting in a lift. Because Einstein said that all frames of reference have the same physics, Einstein walking into a bar is equivalent to a bar walking into Einstein.
Sam commented on :
Poseidon: Why does it feel so heavy when I lie down on my front?
Me: Because Jupiter Saturn Uranus, Neptune.
Why was the chocolate maker confused when he visited the observatory? Because he found a galaxy bar in the milky way.
Why was the neutron star so rude to people? It was degenerate.
How do you turn dog food into protons? You put it down a pup.
The quantum mechanical clown stayed clean by keeping pi out of phase.
What do you get when you put strong electromagnets in a hive? A very large bee.
Why do you walk so fast on coastal paths? You’re travelling near c.
The asteroid flew towards the Hundred Acre Wood because it wanted to meet Eeyore.
Sam commented on :
Why does friction on a stream go with density cubed?
Rho rho rho your boat.
I should really stop now.
billnyescienceguy commented on :
I agree.
Claire commented on :
Sam.
Wat r u doin.
Sam.
STAHP!
🙂 (actually i literally laughed out loud at the rho rho rho your boat one!)